Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Dealing with Acne

Our complexion is our pride. I'm quite sure many of you will concur. Not everyone is blessed with perfect complexion but it's safe to say that almost everyone wants to have one. Hence, many of us try different methods and products to help us achieve that smooth, healthy and radiant skin. Sadly, sometimes certains methods or products backfire on us and we are left with a mess that's extremely difficult to settle - ACNE.

When I was a teenager, I didn't really have acne problems; the occasional spots here and there, yes, but they were manageable and I still looked fine without makeup. I thought my skin was resilient enough, so I experimented with different products and different facial treatments. Of course, I thought wrong and finally last year, I had a terrible experience with a skincare product. My skin broke out two to three days after the first application, but I still persisted. Why? Because I thought it was a clarifying thing - maybe the product was deep-cleansing my pores and that's why I had a break out? I couldn't be more wrong. Till today, I still regretted using the product for an entire week because the aftermath of the disaster can still be seen now.

I freaked out initially. Before using the product, I had at most 2 to 3 stubborn spots on my face, and these spots didn't hurt at all. One week after using it, the number of spots on my face just kept increasing. I even had acne on my cheek area (I have combination skin and my cheeks are very dry, so usually I don't get acne there). Concealers didn't work. Instead, concealers emphasised the presence of my acne. It was not a great time. My self-esteem plummeted and I was so self-conscious that I tried to find excuses to not meet my friends.

Finally, I decided to visit the polyclinic. I was given doxycycline pills and also two different acne creams (Benzac AC 2.5 and Acne Clear). It took me a good 9-10 months to completely get rid of the acne. Currently, I still have acne scars and the occasional pimples during that time of the month, but it's definitely MUCH better than what I had to go through last year.

I realise that a sudden acne attack, or living with acne, can be quite daunting. Hence, I want to share my experience on dealing with acne. I hope this post can help (of course not entirely, but hopefully to some extent) readers out there who are looking for tips and support.

Self-esteem issues:

  1. You have to understand that people will ask about your skin problems. Sometimes, these people do not mean harm; they are genuinely concerned. Instead of being angry or getting hurt by the remark, explain to them the situation. If you explain your situation to them, they will know that you are really bothered by it and trying your best to get rid if it, and in the future, they will try to not mention it every again. 
  2. When you meet people who are insensitive and make fun of your problem, it's not easy to ignore them. But it's within your means to see the situation in positive light. I used to be really ashamed of myself when some bastards laugh at my skin problems. However, I realised that being depressed would not solve the situation. I turned the situation around and I was determined to get rid of the acne. Their laughs are only temporary and you need to internalise this fact. Also, being too depressed actually can lead to more skin problems!! It's alright to feel sad about it (we are all humans here) but it's not alright to be persistently sad about it! 
  3. Surround yourself with people who understands your situation and will support you. If you know a certain individual will make fun of you, then why are you still hanging out with him/her? 
Dietary and exercise:
  1. You need to move that body! Go out for a jog or spend some time at the gym, and make it a habit. You may think that exercising = sweating = more acne, but that's not always the case! Exercising actually helps to lower stress, build your immune system and make you feel better about yourself. With regular exercise (and a good and cleansing shower after each session), acne can be kept within control! 
  2. Get rid of milk, or any food with high glycaemic index (GI). These actually cause a spike in your hormone levels and stimulates sebum production. Food with high GI includes potatoes, white break, fizzy drinks and chocolate. When I was treating my acne, I cut off milk completely from my diet and the difference was quite impressive. I always thought that this claim was not scientifically proven, but I guess it is now! Read this article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2281151/Milk-sugary-foods-DO-increase-risk-acne-say-researchers-looked-50-years-research.html 
  3. Include health supplements that help with healthy skin in your diet. I religiously took vitamin E and evening primrose oil pills and they definitely helped with my skin condition. 
  4. Drink lots and lots of water. You just have to replace all your sugary drink intake with water and you are good to go. 
  5. Fruits and vegetables are of course a must! But be wary of what fruits and vegetables you eat. Eating too much of fruits that have high fructose (natural sugar) can also worsen your condition! Fruits like lychee, mangoes, bananas, peaches and pineapples have high fructose levels and you should eat these sparingly. I'm not saying that these fruits are bad for skin - these fruits are healthy food but TOO MUCH of each may cause more acne. The mantra is simple - too much of anything can be bad. 
Daily routine:
  1. You need to sleep well. Period. Not sleeping well exacerbates the acne - the term "beauty sleep" is not just for show, you know? 
  2. Get rid of your old cleansers, toners, moisturisers, etc. Start on a new skincare routine where the products are the gentlest possible. The only harsh thing that you should have on your skin is the medication given by your dermatologist. I highly recommend Cetaphil - it's a really gentle cleanser that does nothing but clean your skin. No weird chemicals that promise this and that, your skin probably doesn't need them now. 
  3. STOP TOUCHING YOUR ACNE. It's incredibly tempting to pop a pimple. Some people argue that popping a really mature pimple with the correct procedure can be helpful. The question is how do you judge what a really mature pimple is? If you really have to pop one, do not use your fingers. Instead take a few layers of tissue and wet them slightly with warm water. With the warm layers of tissue on each finger, squeeze your pimple - this will at least make the process less unhygienic. Of course, the best solution is to NOT squeeze at all. Easier said than done, but you just gotta try. 
  4. If you need to wear makeup, then go ahead. Dermatologists (and many other people) will definitely recommend you to not apply cosmetic products. However, there are some of us who need to at least try concealing the acne. It's okay to wear makeup, but you need to choose the correct products. When you buy liquid foundation or concealers or other products, be sure to buy those that are oil-free and non-comedogenic (will not clog your pores). 
  5. Don't sleep with your face on the pillow/bolster. Your skin is terribly sensitive when you have a massive breakout and a slight bacteria infestation can worsen it. Therefore, sleep with your face facing the ceiling and don't cover it with a blanket. If possible, try to change your bed sheets more frequently too. 
  6. When drying up your face after washing it, don't use your towel to wipe away the excess water. Instead, use many, many layers of tissue and dab on your skin. It's not very environmentally-friendly, but hey, you gotta choose. 

It's definitely not easy to cure acne. One thing that you have to constantly tell yourself is that it will take time. Acne cannot be cured within weeks. Some people spend years trying to cure their acne problems. Hence, the time taken to heal differs by individuals. Don't try to find the easy way out and just stick to a skincare routine religiously. If you have the willpower and if you stick to the correct habits, I'm sure the problem will go away. Sooner or later, it depends, but it definitely will go away. 

POSITIVE THOUGHTS EVERYDAY

If you have further questions about acne, please feel free to comment or email/fb message me! All the best and remember to always stay positive!! :) 

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Review: CANMAKE Eyeshadow Base

CANMAKE is so readily available in Japan (practically every drug store has CANMAKE!) and I couldn't resist the affordable prices! It irritates how much more expensive CANMAKE is in Singapore. Bummer. :( They actually have really nice eyeshadows but really too overpriced in Singapore!

I bought the CANMAKE Eyeshadow Base because I was running out of my NYX one. It was 500yen (before tax) and that's around S$6.25? Really good prices!!

Packaging: Since it's not very expensive, it's only logical that CANMAKE decided to forget about all the fancy packaging and just presented the product simply. It's a really tiny product and the fancy-less packaging makes it easy to fit into the smallest makeup bags. 




Colour: The CANMAKE Eyeshadow Base has a nude-beige colour, perfect for your eyelid because it has almost the same colour as everyone's eyelids.


Consistency: It's very oily. The eyeshadow base looked like it had thicker consistency in the packaging but when I used my finger to swirl a little bit of the product, it's really slimy and oily. Definitely not the consistency that I was expecting. However, the consistency is not unbearable and it applies and spreads well on your eyelids.


Application: Easy to apply and very easy to spread because of its oily consistency.


Here is a couple of photos to illustrate how well the CANMAKE Eyeshadow Base works on eyeshadows. I used a CANMAKE eyeshadow for this comparison! That review will be coming up soon because I love the palette so much! :)

Swatches taken with cloudy day settings (this Singapore everyday so cloudy?! HAI)

Swatches taken with camera flash
As you can see from the above photos, the CANMAKE Eyeshadow Base really does make the eyeshadow "pop"! The eyeshadow pigmentation is more pronounced and it looks more shimmery that it normally is. I'm impressed at how the CANMAKE Eyeshadow Base delivers despite its low price.

Longevity: It does not fare very well in terms of how long it makes my eyeshadow stay put on my eyelids. I think one reason why is because of its oiliness. It's great during application but after a few hours your eyelids become an oily mess. I recommend that you use a better eyeshadow base for smoky-eye looks because this will ruin them. Even with neutral shades, I could see a line of oil filled with my eyeshadow shade when I looked down. It's not very flattering and hence I'm quite disappointed. It does so well in bringing out the colour of the eyeshadows but why so oily?! For those with oily eyelids, just steer away from the CANMAKE Eyeshadow Base.

Will I buy it again? No. I have oily eyelids and I don't want to ruin my painstakingly applied eyeshadow at the end of the day. Imagine if you apply this in the morning before work, everything looks fine and you look awesomepossum. Then you spend an entire day in the office, and when it's time to go home, you realise your eyeshadow is a hot mess. Not an awesome feeling because usually when it's time to go, you still want to meet your friends or partners. Seriously not glam loh. :(

Review: Hada Labo BB Moist Emulsion with SPF 50 PA+++

Finally catching up on my reviews! I apologise for the lack of review posts this week. I just started a new job and I think the transition from being a student to a full-time employee is not treating me very well. Moreover, I just came back from a 3-week vacation. Hence, I was lethargic everyday and I didn't want to write a blog review that was half-hearted. So, I took my beauty sleep religiously and now here I am starting on my review posts again. HOORAH. :) 

One of my favourite beauty/skincare acquisition from Japan was the Hada Labo BB Moist Emulsion with SPF 50 PA+++. My skin does not adapt to different BB creams very well and sometimes I'm scared to try out new ones because my skin breaks out so easily after using new BB creams! I decided to be adventurous this time round and plunged. The only other BB cream that I use currently is my all-time favourite Holika Holika one (http://fitrina-inamorata.blogspot.sg/2013/04/review-holika-holika-aqua-petit-jelly.html). 

The packaging of Hada Labo BB Moist Emulsion with SPF 50 PA+++ already caught my attention! SPF50 PA+++?! YES PLEASE. As beautiful as she is, Singapore is relentless with her sunshine. SPF is a must in your daily skincare if you want your beautiful taut skin to last! I'm so scared of getting wrinkly skin now that I make sure I have enough SPF to last me throughout the day. 




Everything's in Japanese, so I'm also as clueless as you are. But, since some of the words are in Mandarin, I can understand some of its claims. I guess its SPF50 PA+++ is currently the strongest in the BB cream market?

Also, this BB cream is good for being a:

  • moisturiser
  • sunscreen
  • makeup base
  • I can't figure out what the last category is :( sorry. 
Only 2 shades are available for this, so naturally I had to choose the darker shade. That's the thing about Asian BB creams that I hate. Why can't they provide more variety in terms of colours? How can you categorise your target market into just 2 shades? I don't understand loh. 

But anyway, moving on ...




Product Packaging: Very simple and very easy to recognise. I especially like how the font size of "BB" is so huge. Actually this packaging reminds me of high-end Japanese products. Usually the more fancy the packaging is, the more drugstore it is? (Just from my observation, not generalising here) I like how the product packaging looks so laboratory-ish too! I feel like my skin can definitely benefit from this. Placebo effect? haha.


Before you use the product, be sure to shake it first!


Consistency: The Hada Labo BB Moist Emulsion with SPF 50 PA+++ is not as thick as a liquid foundation, and it's not as watery as a oil-less moisturizer. I like its consistency because I don't feel weighed down by the product and I don't feel like I'm applying nothing to my face. So in all, it's all well in the consistency department.

Coverage: I was really surprised at how the Hada Labo BB Moist Emulsion with SPF 50 PA+++ has such great pigmentation despite its light consistency. I expected it to not cover very well and to just be a plain old sunscreen but no, it actually covers my blemishes quite well! I don't really have acne breakouts now, but I still do have acne scars and a few spots here and there. After applying this BB cream, my scars are ALL concealed and my spots are less obvious. I am very very impressed.

For those with more severe acne problems, you still have to apply some concealer after using this. But trust me, the amount of concealer that you use will be significantly lesser.

ALSO, this BB cream covers dark eye circles VERY WELL. I didn't have to use any under-eye concealer after applying this and I don't look like I epitomise death. I actually look healthy and presentable! AWESOME STUFF.


Swatch taken with cloudy day settings

Swatch taken under camera flash



For the two photos above, I applied the Hada Labo BB Moist Emulsion with SPF 50 PA+++ and then some concealer on my stubborn spots and then fixed it all up with my trusted ZA 2-way Foundation. The thing about this BB cream is it's not sticky after you apply it on your skin. So, I think if you have dry to normal skin, it's alright for you to just go out with only the BB cream on your skin. For those with oily/combination skin, a light dusting of mattifying powder wouldn't hurt! :)

Longevity: This is the part that disappoints me the most. It is amazing during application and around 3 hours after application. After that, the BB cream just .... melts. I don't know if it's the terribly hot weather or what, but I felt like I just got out of an oil pool. :( I really was shocked when I checked my makeup in the mirror after around 3 hours. Even my cheeks looked oily and my cheeks are usually the driest part of my face! So my verdict is, I really like how the Hada Labo BB Moist Emulsion with SPF 50 PA+++ applies so in the future I will just bring my mattifying powder out and touch up every couple of hours.

Will I buy it again? I'm on the fence. I really like how the product delivers in terms of application and coverage but the way it melts after application really disturbs me. I will see how it goes!

Hope this has been helpful and have a great weekend guys! :)

Friday, June 7, 2013

Japan Trip 2013 Highlights: Great Accommodation!

I really am enjoying writing these Japan Trip 2013 posts; it's like as if I'm reliving my grad trip again. :') 

Anyway, one of the reasons why we had a relatively good time in Japan was because of the various amazing accommodation that we stayed in. Thank you GohChayChay for researching and finding out about these fabulous locations! :) We had one average stay (Hana Hostel, Hiroshima) but other than that, the rest were really comfortable and sometimes made me want to stay in all day. 

For our first Tokyo trip, we stayed at Guest House toco. and I definitely will recommend it to everyone! :) Although we stayed in a 8-bed mixed dormitory, the experience was still a comfortable one. We were unlucky one night because we stayed with multiple snorers, however I fell asleep quite quickly because the mattress and quilt they used were really soft. Early mornings can be quite a hassle because of the shared toilets and shower cubicles but well it's nothing to complain about because it's expected since we opted to stay in a hostel. 

Here are some details regarding Guest House toco.:



A couple of photos to show you guys the hostel's beautiful garden!



In Osaka, we opted for an airbnb accommodation and we definitely made the correct decision. The apartment that we chose was quite small, but it was furnished very thoughtfully and so it was a very comfortable one-week stay. Thank you to Ryan and his wife, and the very cute mother-in-law! Ryan's wife (I feel bad because I can't remember her name!) even bought some juice and ice cream for us when she visited! :) 

If you are visiting Osaka and are planning to visit the nearby touristy cities near Osaka, then I will suggest that you book/rent a space in Osaka, and then make day trips out to the other cities. I think for airbnb accommodations, it's cheaper to book weekly than nightly. That was why we booked the space for 7 nights. We spent two days exploring Osaka, and the the other days were spent in Kyoto, Kobe and Nara. Going to Kobe/Kyoto/Nara from Osaka is like travelling from one end of the East West line to the other end, so making day trips is convenient and quick! 

Here are the information you need if you want the rent the same space:
  • Ryan's airbnb listing: https://www.airbnb.com.sg/rooms/857345
  • Price: Weekly price (stated in website) = S$918, with administration fees we each paid around S$315 for 7 nights. 
  • Nearest train station: Shin Imamiya (I think it's 5/6 stops away from the main Osaka station. If you are taking the shinkansen, you need to change from Shin-Osaka station to Osaka station before making your way to Shin Imamiya)
  • One station away from Namba - shopping district. 

The first two photos are photos taken from Ryan's airbnb listing! Their photos are legit. Everything looked the same! 







After 7 nights in Osaka, we moved to the Hiroshima area but we didn't go to Hiroshima straight away. Instead, we stopped by Onomichi first because we wanted to enjoy the sea and the serenity. We definitely did get both out of our Onomichi trip. Onomichi is a really peaceful sea-side city that has amazing sea views. However, the night can get quite scary because everyone is back in their houses and the streets become rather deserted.

We spent 3 nights in Anago no Nedoko Guesthouse and to be frank, I think this was the best accommodation we stayed in. It has a very queer vibe to it but a good queer, not a bad queer. I feel like I was transported back into old Japan when I stayed there!

According to the website:

"Our staff, busy bees ranging from reclamation design to management, is made up of and administrated by members of the non-profit organization of the Onomichi Vacant Housing Renewal Project (Akiyasaisei Project). They are thoroughly committed to the renewal and design of the vacant houses in the old urban area of Onomichi. A variety of faces such as architects, craftsmen, designers, cartoonists, artists, students, and homemakers bring their wisdom, creativity, and fun-loving spirit together."

Perhaps this was why the entire stay felt so nostalgic! 

Details, details!:

  • Official website: http://anago.onomichisaisei.com/?cat=1&lang=en
  • Price: 2500 yen/night/person for mixed dormitory
  • Easily walkable from the main Onomichi train station (10 minutes?)
  • It's located in a shopping parade. Just spot the weird panda machine and you are there!




Just spot this panda thingy and you are at the Guesthouse!



I love this guesthouse because they had English-subtitled mangas displayed all over the room!



We then moved to Hiroshima City for another 3 nights. Our stay at Hana Hostel wasn't very pleasant. Maybe it's because the wifi was really terrible; we kept getting kicked out of the network from our room. =___=

But it's cheap and each bed had a really top-notch privacy curtain. So give and take lah.


Our last accommodation was 4 nights in Tokyo. We decided to change areas this time round, and also decided on another airbnb location. I was really drawn into the accommodation because it was stated in the airbnb listing that it had a legit espresso machine that makes better coffee than Starbucks. I WAS SOLD THE MOMENT I READ THAT. I thank my travel partners immensely for making my coffee dreams a reality. HAHA.

Stefano was the owner of the house and he was a very generous and humorous guy. He fetched us at the train station and gave us a tour of the area while walking back to his place. His house was really clean, really cosy and he let us use anything and everything in the common area!

Frankly speaking, his house is not very near to the train station. Furthermore, the train station is not very near to the city centre. However, it's a good place to come back to after a long day of walking and sight-seeing.

I'll definitely recommend Stefano's place for those interested to stay further away from the city centre!

Information on Stefano's place:

  • Stefano's airbnb listing: https://www.airbnb.com.sg/rooms/952976
  • Price: S$36 per night
  • Nearest train station: Nishimagome (A-01), last station on the Asakusa line.
  • 20 minutes to Shibuya, 25 minutes to Shinjuku, 25 minutes to Tokyo station

First 3 photos are from his airbnb page!




This espresso machine is LEGIT. I had good days in Tokyo because I had good coffee in the morning.


For me, I'd much prefer to stay in an airbnb house rather than a hostel because it feels more like home? Sometimes, you get to make friends with the house owners as well! :) I definitely will use airbnb more often for my future travelling! :)

Hope the post has been useful to those who want to visit Japan! Have a great Friday guys! :)

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Japan Trip 2013 Highlight: Dining at Sushi Dai (Tsukiji Fish Market)

While researching for my Japan graduation trip, the one thing that excited me the most was the possibility of dining at Sushi Dai. I just couldn't stop telling my travel partners how eager I was to eat high quality sushis! Of course, I anticipated the long queues since almost every blog that reviewed Sushi Dai warned readers regarding the crazy waiting time. We waited a grand total of 3 hours and 15 minutes, and fortunately all of us agreed that the waiting time was very much worth it. We went into sushi heaven, sushi nirvana, SUSHI GLORIOUSNESS. We could have enjoyed our sushis more slowly (we were out within 30 minutes), but our growling tummies accelerated our digestive system operation. Maybe the reason why we were so quick was also because of the crazy auntie outside the shop who couldn't stop glaring into the shop with her scary bulging eyes. :S 

Anyway, getting to Sushi Dai is quite simple. You either take the Hibiya subway line to Tsukiji station and then walk around 10 minutes to the restaurant, or you can take the Oedo subway line to Tsukiji Shijo station, which is directly below Tsukiji Fish Market. We reached Sushi Dai via the first option and it was quite hard locating the restaurant at first, but we spotted the long queue, and voila, we were at Sushi Dai! 

Here's a link if you need clearer directions or a map: http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3021.html 


This was the first group of queuers. When we reached this area, we had to wait for another 45 minutes to get into Sushi Dai.


The second group of queuers. We queued for 2.5 hours here. We arrived at the location at around 830am and homygod, this was the queue we saw. It was definitely intimidating, but we persevered and made it into sushi heaven at 1145am!! :D


This lady from Sushi Dai was extremely nice. Periodically, she would come out with trays and trays of isotonic water to "re-energize" the queuers. Quite a nice gesture, huh!


If you are planning on going to Sushi Dai, you really have got to find things to entertain yourself with. Jeremy was well-prepared and he was playing Pokemon the entire time. He also managed to complete the game while waiting. HAHA. I went to the nearest Family Mart to get a copy of ViVi magazine and also finished reading (browsing? since I can't read Japanese haha) it while queueing. Chay was being a hobo with her large green comfy scarf. :D


All three of us ordered the Omakase Course and that cost us 3900yen each (~S$50). Pricey but WORTH EVERY CENT.

Also, a tip for interested readers, please do come early if you want to eat at Sushi Dai. The restaurant closes at 2pm and to make it before closing time, you have to queue at least 3 hours before; so you have to be there at 11am or earlier to secure an eating experience that you'll never forget.



The sushi chefs here are all really friendly and they try to mingle with the diners. Even with the language barrier! While dining, the chefs will also direct you on how to enjoy a particular sushi properly. For example, they will say "no sauce" or "no soya sauce" if a certain sushi requires no sauces to enhance its flavour.


Here comes a barrage of glorious sushi photos. SLURPP.

I'm really bad with Japanese sushi names and so I will not attempt to try to name them. Maybe only those that I really remember haha.

I think this was Otoro? I remembered this because I thought the chef said Totoro, and I stupidly asked Jeremy, "oh so that's how Totoro (the Ghibli movie) was named?" Ya, they laughed at me. HAHAHA.




Tamago. Very fluffy, very soft, very warm.


Creamy uni (sea urchin). I don't think I will want to eat uni in Singapore ever again. This was so so fresh that the bitter aftertaste only lasted like a second? It was also so freaking fresh that after I gobbled it up, there was no fishy sea urchin taste in my mouth. AMAZING.


SUPER RED MAGURO (tuna). I loved the wasabi that they used! They made the wasabi fresh in front of us and wah! It was heavenly wasabi. Even though it was extremely pungent, it was so addictive!!
 

I have no idea what this was, but it was still moving when it was served. EXCITEMENT.



Baby Shrimps. This was my least favourite sushi, but nope, it was still very very delicious. Least favourite does not mean I hate the flavour, but it just means that out of 11 top-grade sushis, this was the most normal.


Spanish mackerel!! I was contemplating between this and otoro for my last piece of sushi! To explain it basically, after you are done with 10 sushis, the chef will hand you a menu, and you are free to choose any sushi you want for your last sushi!

I went ahead with otoro because it was the most expensive. Singaporean spirit flows in my blood. HAHA.


Thick tuna rolls. Looked ordinary but did not taste ordinary at all!


Finally some anago (sea eel). This was really different from unagi! I don't really like eating unagi because I don't like the texture of the soft bones but this was so so so so soft and it was melting in my mouth. :')


When you dine at Sushi Dai, the phrase "melts in your mouth" becomes a reality. I cannot wait to bring Kengyang here!! :)

To conclude this post, here are some tips you definitely will need:

  1. Come early. At least before 11am. 
  2. Make sure you can entertain yourself for at least 3 hours. Not very fun to queue and not have anything to do. 
  3. If you are sick of queueing, you can opt for Sushi Daiwa, which is just 2 doors down. I think it's opened by the son of the man who opened Sushi Dai? I heard that the quality was similar but it was slightly more expensive. 
  4. No point getting angry or annoyed at the queue, you should have done your research and expected the queue. 
  5. Don't bring a huge bulging bag. The restaurant is quite narrow and so moving from one end to the other can be quite challenging if you have a huge bag. 
  6. Just be courteous and don't continuously stare at the people inside the shop who are trying to enjoy their sushis. I mean a glance is fine because quenching curiosity is always good, but alamak don't stare and glare can? 
With that, I REALLY HOPE I CAN GO BACK SOON!!! :')